don't tell me "I love you", then say goodbye

---don't tell me "I love you", then say goodbye--------- 12feb06






the first time I paged you I hoped for a reply,
but it seemed you didn't get it, 'twas lost in the wire,
I gave it a shrug and thought you were busy,
"what are you doing online?"-now that's being nosey!

Several times I have seen you viewing my profile,
Are we alike in some ways, like, view profiles and then smile?
I wanted to ask you, page you, email you, "Why?"
But then I thought twice, "will you ever reply?"

Two more times I paged you, I was very persistent,
Curiosity ate me, what the heck! I was bent,
I emailed your handle, something-like-17,
I swore if you don't reply, I'll throw you to the bin!

and then finally in the email, one day you had answered,
" 'didn't mean to bug or scare you" I remember you countered,
Another exchange and you told me "Viewing the pics in your profile,
reminds me of a lady, whose eyes wore the same smile"

I replied one more time with a silly big question
Does it bring bad memories about the lady you mentioned?
You said, "No problem, I don't mind remembering the pains,
For from all of those pains, I'm sure a lot were gained".

The friendship started , we met online now and then,
Eventhough at first I was stiff, in no time I softened,
We exchanged experiences and got to know each other,
The first stuff we talked about , I believe, was "mothers".

From there we explored the beauty of love and life,
You believed in them totally, though it filled you with strife,
From my end, I am lost, finding and feeling my way out
of a union that left me shattered, to come out of it, I 'm not allowed!

You saw in me a promise of a full life ahead
Raw talent unnurtured, "Why don't you go ahead?"
I said, "I have tasks, problems, and am shackled"
"Excuses! Excuses!, you laughed and you chuckled.

Just a few days from first talking, I found myself writing,
Ballads and poems I produced, it was all so amazing!
From the tip of my pen, the verses came out ,
In the past, these were not the stuff I wrote about.

There were so many lessons I learned from your words,
Everytime you spoke, your words always struck a chord,
You answered my questions about life and myself,
For a long time, I've been trying without any help.

You often talked about life's painful reality,
Problems cannot be solved in a snap, in a jiffy,
Make plans, execute them, put your heart in it totally,
After that you will find things will work successfully.

How can you know comfort, if you didn't know pain?
Knowing joy without sorrow, your efforts will be in vain,
If you want safety and security, go ahead take the first flight
But if you want CHANGE, then give it a good fight!

Sometime in this past week a doc pointed out a problem,
'twas something serious, friends and family will be grief-stricken
When you told me, I froze, couldn't speak for a minute,
In my mind, raced thoughts, yet I felt empty in it.

You decided it is best that we stop talking,
"For your own good", you offered, but was I even complaining?
You said you felt for me deeply, to yourself you can't lie,
Then please, my dear Wolfie, don't tell me "I love you", then say goodbye...

There was something else I needed to ask and make clear,
Is it me that you love, or the lady that hid in my eyes, my dear?
I asked not to be misunderstood, lest you feel I was doubtful,
I just didn't want to be someone's "double", indeed that would be hurtful...

Today, what you've decided to do, I don't know,
Leave me or meet me, still over the rainbow
Will you still reply when I page you, my white-haired angel?
Will you still type fondly, "Hello there, Miss April!"

Please never feel discouraged, that your words fell in deaf ears,
I will always be brave and strong-willed for sure.
Antoine de Saint Exupery, said "the caterpillars, you must endure,
if you want to get acquainted with butterflies in the future".......