Sunday, March 16, 2008


Whether you are divorced, separated or even "married but looking", looking at statistics of divorces and unsuccessful marriages all over the world, would scare you to get into any serious relationship. If you are divorced or separated, what is the assurance that your next relationship is not going to end up the way the previous one did? None. Especially in the case of interracial marriages. Most especially if the relationship started virtually, that is, online.

There are some interracial marriages that seem to be "made in heaven"--but are there really marriages that are made in heaven? Or is there even heaven? LOL

In general, the stand of men and women about relationships are so different and in an interracial setting, it is as complex as calculus and as confusing as a labyrinth because of the cultural differences. So when you finally find yourself in the middle of something that looks like a perfect match, you'd want to hold on to it and see further where it will lead you.

The parameters: Physical attraction. There? Check. Compatibility. There? Check. Emotional security in the relationship. There? Hmmmm. Errr... Cultural differences management. Hmmm..Err....Gender differences management. Hmmm...errr.....Temper management.....ahhhh

By their own standards,she is "sexy", and so is he. He loves to eat. She loves to cook. Great! He still sometimes thinks about a "John" in the background. She thinks about the Sally, the Paula and the Myla in the very distant background. (She is from Venus, remember!) She has kids from a previous marriage, he thinks there are some areas in parenting that she should take a crash course in. But he is western, she is eastern, people raise children differently. He walks fast, she walks slow. He moves fast, she has little ceremonies she has to do before she could get ready.He does not need constant verbal assurances that she loves him. She needs to hear the assurances all the time. (Maybe he doesn't realize that is her way of giving him a chance to get rid of her "tampo") When the odds accumulate, the temper threshold breaks down. He says "Maybe I am not the one for you" and she retorts the same way. The feeling of inadequacy sets in. There goes the perfect match. They tell each other GO FISH.

Things are clearer in my mind now. There are realities that could not be changed overnight. No matter how perfect the match seems to be. Long distance relationships are plagued by a host of many things that would look irrelevant and surmountable at first but when the dust clears up, you begin to realize that these things are relevant and may even be insurmountable. Usual problems -- MONEY. Very relevant and lack of it would make things insurmountable. DISTANCE -- no question about it, hard to imagine a touch, a kiss, a hug -- a torment to miss out on these.

Building relationships is similar to developing films and photographs in the dark room. It takes a while before your eyes get used to the soft red lamp -- the only kind of light that would allow things a certain amount of visibility for you. Chemicals are externals that create the image imprints, the fixer solutions get them fixed in place. It is always nice to see the image take shape on photo paper--a picture of a face emerging -- or the shape of a tree -- or the shape of a building...Imagine taking a roll of film --the images shot from the camera totally unknown to you.When you start printing off on photo paper, the images that emerge may surprise you, amuse you, even scare you. An adventurous photographer wouldn't mind. He'd be happy to be surprised, amused or scared and choose the one worthy for the big exhibit.

I have no advice or suggestions. I am in the same spot. Waiting for the ride that will carry me through.


  1. It is often difficult to share to someone who seems to have the answers in her sleeves. Yet it would always be heaven to get her into accepting that the just shall live by faith. It's surely nice to develop your own photos, but am sure there is someone who can do them better. I'll let the Photographer solve my issues and just partake of his experience. Photographers are for photos as Poets are for poems.They would make a better combination, though.

  2. The answers could be nothing more than like images on contact prints - the photo enhancements, I, of course, leave to the PHOTOSHOP experts (not the photographers!) bleh!