ChronicLER on the LoOse

Tivona Beach Resort, Laiya, Batangas, Philippines

2010-05-19T17:13:00.000-07:00

Hurry not

2010-04-16T03:41:00.000-07:00

do not hurry
achieving things
there is a time
for everything

do not try
to prove your worth
especially when
no one's asking

be careful showing
your deemed intelligence
what you thought was great
to others, might be nonsense

quit the self-righteousness
learn to show humility
remember that stubbornness
will only bring enmity

you cannot argue
with age and experience
your time to shine, it will come
for now, practice subservience

it is not to show defeat
just allow the minds to meet.
but then again why not accept
that in many other things, you are inept.

Proud to be 46

2010-04-14T03:37:00.000-07:00

i'm turning 46 on april 14
it is indeed a pleasant blessing
i'm turning 46 from being 18
i don't know where are the years in between

proud to be 46 because it means
46 Summers, Aprils, Springs
never a Winter, never a Fall
always dry and sunny days all

i am approaching the age that is golden
just like the world's beautiful older women
weathered by experience, character strengthened
playful, witty, intelligent, enlightened.

i share the joy of being 46
to others here who're in the same fix
savor the years before we are golden
follow your dreams, your future, don't darken.

a footnote here i will dare say
i know this will elicit a yea or a nay
age is just a number, so what if you're younger?
like it or not, soon you'll grow older.

what matters most is how you have lived
in this life what have you achieved?
accolades, honors, did they steer you ahead?
Or did they just make out of you, a Swellhead?

my beautiful friends who are twenty-something
you know who you are, in my life, you're a blessing
I know when it's your turn to become 46
women that are stronger, self-made, accomplished!

Cheers to all women approaching the golden years.
My birthday wish - may you all age beautifully and wonderfully.
Thank your lucky stars you did not make a mess of yourselves in your younger years.

The High and the Mighty

2010-04-05T03:35:00.000-07:00

a mountain created
from out of a molehill;
something unexpected
I am confused, still.

an innocent attempt
to create poetry;
was viewed with contempt
made some people angry.

i didn't delay
i listened to social conscience;
put down the picture
the poem, they say, is the essence

a part of my brain
could never understand;
that part of others' brains
that saw it as illegal, in their parlance

shall I call it arrogance?
protectiveness out of place;
I gave myself solace
if it were me, I'd accept, with grace

was it, on my part,
an act of stupidity?
to use people's online stuff,
to create simple poetry?

I value my work of art
just like anybody;
from now on I will stay away
from the high and the mighty.

A copyright issue...not!

2010-04-04T05:31:00.000-07:00

A copyright issue...not

Apr 4, 2010 10:42 am
335 Views

I have been out of the loop in all places that I blog in and on April Fools' Day, I went around SFF (SeniorFriendFinder) and saw an interesting photo that inspired me to write a poem. So I did. Before posting, I left a comment in the owner of the photo's blog that I am borrowing said pic and even tagged it in my blog. (I am posting the pic I composed with the poem here but will take it down after a few days --lest I get into more trouble)

Now when I cropped the photo and superimposed the text, the owner's attribution at the lower right corner of the photo was also "cropped" -- which stirred some negativity and obviously irked the owner.

Please read through if you have time and maybe you can share with me what you think. I must say they made me feel like I did a criminal thing and I was upset about it. Too many times I have seen people blatantly copying materials and claiming ownership of what is not theirs -- and that is not what I did in this "controversial" post.

I am posting the entire blog post here to share with you the exchange:

=====================
Oops...I did it again...borrowed another photo

On Valentine's Day I borrowed ConeyIsBabe's photo in her blog about Jack, the dog. Today, a day after April Fools' Day, I borrowed another picture from miteehigh's blog Photographic memoriesand wrote a short poem about it that I called, Tunnel.

I hope you guys don't mind me going around "borrowing" your pictures....thanks a lot!

Comments:
miteehigh (the original owner of the photo)
I can't speak for how others feel about your appropriation. But if you will notice my photograph has an attribution in the lower right hand corner of the image. That is there not by mistake.

The polite thing to do would be to ask those of us that produce original work for permission to use our images for your purposes. That is something that you did not do. This process of asking for permission is in keeping with copyright laws (which I take quite seriously).

Your poetry should stand on it's own merits.

My reply:
I apologize.
Yes I did notice the attribution and I am sorry I had it cropped as I superimposed the text.
Please know that with my effort to ask permission is a genuine acknowledgment of your original work.

It won't happen again.
I promise.

I will put this down and maybe redo it the proper way.
Thank you, Miteehigh.

Destiny823:
Since what you have done is illegal, might you consider taking down your blog and reposting it showing only your poem. You clearly know what you are doing. Your poetry is lovely, it can stand alone.

My reply:
Done, Ma'am.
I did right away after I read Miteehigh's comment.

Thank you.

Txlady4u:
I agree with miteehigh in that any original item placed in a blog by another person is theirs and permission should be requested and received before you or anyone else uses it in anyway. If their name appears it is theirs be it a picture a poem or other form of expression.

Lothringia:
I'm very surprised that you are coming under attack for using that photograph when you had already given full credit to its owner.

In the past I have exposed two serial plagiarizers here at this site that regularly presented other peoples' writing as their own and accepted full and wholesome praise that the articles evoked. I got viciously attacked by a great many here for doing so.

Coincidently, both of those word thieves were compatriots of yours.

My reply:
Thank you for acknowledging my effort to give credit to the photograph's owner.

I feel that I know the plagiarizers that you are talking about because they also blog in the same other place I blog in.

Halfjean(that's my SFF handle)
I am saddened by this turn of things because as a "writer" of sorts, I also do not condone plagiarism. Since I started writing poetry, I have never posted anything in my blogs and claimed ownership of anything that was not originally written by me. I used to write poems from whatever inspiration that came to me but lately, I find it more personally rewarding for me to write poems based on a photograph I see/saw/have seen. This is one of those photographs.

Let me say here that I do not have intentions of claiming ownership of something that is not mine. I saw the photo, I liked it, I was inspired to write a poem about it and thought I'd share, like I did with ConeyIsBabe's Jack photograph. I have already acknowledged my mistake in cropping out the attribution -- I apologize sincerely - I just hope that I would be given credit for calling the attention of the original owner of the photograph in my blog- I should have waited for permission first before I posted the poem but I didn't. I'm sorry.

Rest assured I won't "steal" photos again.

ruggedandtenderyho:
It is a great poem.. And I do see your inspiration following or being inspired by pictures at this point of your writing.. It is so good.. I understand things triggering our minds. You are a wonderful writer.. Thank you for sharing as I enjoy reading...

My reply:
Thanks, rugged.I appreciate your and the others' acknowledgment of the poem. It was a sudden burst of inspiration that made me write that and disrespect for the original owner of the photograph is farthest from my mind.
Just sad that some others saw the act as illegal and worthy of reprimand, when I have, in fact, properly acknowledged the owner.
Now I feel my admiration and appreciation for the work of art was misplaced.

Bijou624:
Hi Halfjean: I think you had good intentions about using these two photos as you probably just wanted to acknowledge to Coney and Mitee that their photos inspired you as a writer. They were both very good photos each in their own way. I think that it is perfectly legal to copy any photo we find on the internet, but I'm not sure. I have to admit though that it would give me an eerie feeling to log in here some day and see one of my photos in someone's blog. Nice poem by the way.

My reply:
Thank you!
I, too, am not sure about the legality/illegality of what I did but my conscience is clear that I did not do it to enrich myself/extract money out of it. It was just a simple poem I wrote after receiving inspiration seeing the photo.

ConeyIsBabe:
I was very flattered when Halfjean borrowed my photo and wrote a very cute poem about Jack and his Toys. Clearly, Halfjean only used the photo of Jack for the purpose of enhancing her poem and she credited me as the photographer !

my reply:
Thanks, ConeyIsBabe! Yours was the first photo I ever found on a blogsite that I used for my poem. I was very glad how you so graciously acknowledged.
Most of my stuff I took off google images but many others are from the portfolio of my photographer-nephew.

Tranqfull:
Funny when I reported to SFF abuse that my picture was being used in a vicious obnoxious blog comment and asked it be removed resulting in the blog owner and commenter who posted my picture being banned I was accused of everything including jealousy and called every name in the book.

So its ok for some to copy pictures but not ok for everyone .. oh yeah the old depends on who it is rears its head .

Some of you need to examine your conscience !

My reply:
I can understand how ugly it would feel finding your picture being used in a "vicious, obnoxious blog comment" because it happened to me too in the past -- with ugly reference to the memory of my deceased mother -- But then...I did not use miteehigh's picture in a "vicious, obnoxious" blog post so I really feel bad that my act is being branded as illegal. I may have cropped the attribution out but I wonder if that unintentional act should merit all this "talk" when no one could ever say I did not acknowledge the owner.

Really, it baffles me.

lothringia (again)
Mountain, molehill, conscience, brain, arrogance, stupidity.

Any chance you will be inspired, to write an original poem, by my input on this post ?

My reply:
a mountain created
from out of a molehill;
something unexpected
I am confused, still.

an innocent attempt
to create poetry;
was viewed with contempt
made some people angry.

i didn't delay
i listened to social conscience;
put down the picture
the poem, they say, is the essence

a part of my brain
could never understand;
that part of others' brains
that saw it as illegal, in their parlance

shall I call it arrogance?
protectiveness out of place;
I gave myself solace
if it were me, I'd accept, with grace

was it, on my part,
an act of stupidity?
to use people's online stuff,
to create simple poetry?

I value my work of art
just like anybody;
from now on I will stay away
from the high and the mighty.

Ola2006
I personally feel that as long as recognition is made to the "author" of the material, be it poems, articles, and/or photos, there shouldn't be any big squawk about it. If there was monetary issues involved (royalties), then definitely permission should be granted first.

Too many times I have seen blog articles and photos that have been presented as the bloggers original submission when not, and I don't approve of that.

I feel you are to be commended for your efforts to make right, what you feel may be a wrong. As far as using stuff here that another SFF'er originated, its probably best in the long run to get their permission first. I think most, as ConeyIsBabe said, would be flattered that something of theirs inspired you.

my reply:
Thank you for this. You've said what I wanted to say.

miteehigh (again)
It seems that there is some confusion about use of copyrighted material. It is not enough to appropriate and then give credit to the originator of a work. The appropriation without permission and consideration is illegal in and of itself.

A original work does not need identification of the originator affixed thereto in order to be copyrighted. It does not need to be listed with the regulating agency (in this case the US copyright and trademark office)in order to be copyrighted. Any arbitary and unapproved appropriation is illegal.

ltw222: (quoting the poem I wrote on lothringia's challenge)
Hi Halfjean,
Lovely poem and you have certainly shown us your creativity. By the way, it is my belief that the first poem up there about the stairs is ORIGINAL too. Some might be blinded by their prejudice and failed to recognize that. I, too, like poetry and write a wee bit. I hope you are not too put off by this episode and carry on writing and, if you want to borrow another photo, you can get it from photobucket, a photo sharing site. I had borrowed from there and I always acknowledge the owner. I am a member there but I don't think one needs to be a member to borrow. There are other sites that allow you to borrow photos too as well as some that does not allow you to do so. Once again, I like your, shall I say, spunky poem.
I blogged here once too but am now on a siesta away from here and I think you already know the reason why.
I would be visiting on and off though to read some of my friends' blogs as well as enjoy your poetry.
All the best.

Lee

My reply:
HI, thanks for your comment.
Actually, yesterday after putting down the image of the "stairs" leaving only the text of the poem, I went to google images and true enough, I found a hell lot of similar pictures that I think would elicit the same interest in me to write the same poem had I seen them before. I wish I had, so this wouldn't have happened.
I keep my poetry in some other place (what I post in other places eventually get to one other place I consider my archives.
You can search for: Chronicler on the Loose in case I stop posting here
Nice meeting you.

silver lining

2010-03-22T22:40:00.000-07:00

Last year, i went through a most difficult time mothering my children especially the middle child, who, after all the family members' effort to prod him on to high school graduation, still decided to quit school by mid January 2009 (roughly 2 months to graduation) It broke my heart to pieces (and my wallet to shreds) but I knew I could never give up helping him realize the value of education. So I tried my hardest to convince him to go back to school the following year. It was doubly difficult because he was to be in the same class with his younger bro and wasn't feeling good about it. The hard work paid off, now a year after, he and his younger bro are graduating on Friday.

March 17, 2010, was hubby's first death anniversary. We have all moved on but we are all sad too that he did not live long enough to see his children's achievements this far.

With the younger boy securing a college scholarship, my older son asked me to send him to college too, to take up BS Ed. He wants to major in Music and Physical Education (and I think he'd excel in those areas). I know there would be a new struggle with all the GenEd courses but I am bracing myself and I have promised to help him through the next 4 years. Hopefully, in the year that I will turn 50, more or less a few days before, my boys will graduate with BS Marine Technology and BS Education degrees.

I am happy about the way my middle child's temperament has changed for the better. He has become more cheerful and cooperative and I just know that like their sister, who is a full-pledged RN (RN does not stand for Rich Nurse ) he and his brother will succeed too.

A silver lining ....true....

Lonely Tsinelas

2010-03-12T03:23:00.000-08:00

2010-03-11T01:28:00.000-08:00

waiting...come home soon

2010-03-11T00:03:00.000-08:00

Delilah's Jewels

2010-02-19T04:52:00.000-08:00

(Delilah, the Silver Princess, is a work of art - a collage -- featured at the Dogs of Bark City fundraising campaign http://dogtime.com/dogs-of-bark-city.html
Awesome art--obviously created by someone who has a lot of patience working with small trinkets. Imagine the amount of glitter needed to cover Delilah's coat--plus "composing" the collage of bits and pieces all around Delilah's body.
She sold for $12,500. Good job!

>

keys, coins, pieces of brass
pendants, chains, that shine like glass

belt buckle and brooch, a lopsided earring
a thimble it is, not a tiny bell ringing

a Christmas tree beside a symbol of infinity
odd shapes and sizes, trinkets blinking at me.

i see a letter J, and a padlock do you see?
pray tell, where to find the lock's matching key?

flowers and leaves, no they are not green
because they are coated with metallic sheen

a bolt, where's the nut?, an upholstery tack
is that a wagon, maybe there's a grass shack?

hoops and buttons and an artist's brush
i bet the brush would make the hound dog blush

2010-02-17T02:46:00.000-08:00

being ill
makes it so easy
to fall
deep into depression

there's always reason
to be angry

there's always reason
to be sad

there's always reason
to frown

there's always reason
to give up

there's always reason
to be depressed

there's always reason
to write an angry poem

there's always reason
to be unhappy

and all these reasons
are UNREASONABLE

Dusk ....Remember December

2010-02-16T01:23:00.000-08:00

[B]Yesterday as I looked out the window, I caught a glimpse of the sky at dusk. There was a sudden pang of sadness that flashed --there was a cool breeze blowing....and an inspiration for a poem came through. I wrote two within a few minutes of each other. It's amazing how inspiration comes and goes.....

there's something about dusk
that brings sadness to me
it brings back time in the distant past
of how things used to be

i don't know why it reminds me
of sad Christmases and new years too
the childhood that still haunts me
the vivid faces that make me blue

why is dusk sad unlike dawn
that seems to carry hopes and cheer
at times, this grief that dusk has spawned
brings me closer to the point of tears

i wish i know a time and place
when and where dusk is instead happy
i'll go there once, create my space
draw inspirations for cheerful poetry

.
-
-
-

Remember December

i smell the scent of Christmas air
in cool and chilly December
it's not as cold as where there is snow
no need for crackling fire or ember

the Christmas air that i know of
is fragrant like fresh flowers
sometimes it smells like freshly baked bread
i crave for coffee, jam and butter

in December is when i hear
the church bells at 3:00 in the morning
from 3:00 am till 4:00 am
Christmas carols,Ray Conniff's playing

these Decembers of my childhood
are gone and fading from my memory
but there are times they flash like lightning
leaving me happy, smiling and dreamy...

Jack and his Toys

2010-02-14T01:21:00.000-08:00

I was browsing through blogs sometime last week and saw the picture accompanying the blog, "Jack and his Toys" and I just couldn't resist saving the picture--immediately forming a little poem in my head about it. But I didn't get the chance to write the words right away.
Today, Valentine's Day here in the Philippines, I woke up to a nice morning and felt inspired to pen down that poem.

I hope ms ConeyIsBabe wouldn't mind my borrowing the picture. I hope you'll like my little poem too.

today's a hot and sunny day
a perfect time to go out and play

so off i went to my basket of toys
oh no! they're all gone! 'must be the boys?

round and round i looked and looked
saw the empty basket, am i spooked?

i miss the birdy, the bear, the duckie,
oh where oh where is my favorite bunny?

i walked around and surveyed the place
is that a shadow of a bear's hairy face?

my gaze went up and what a joy!
pinned along a clothesline are all my toys!

now i still walk round and round, my heart's excited
can't wait to touch them when they're dried and dusted

oh great Sun up above continue shining
see you again around, on the next washing and drying.

They Don't (Really) Care About Us

2010-01-31T01:17:00.000-08:00

Phenomenal!

Who would have thought that a correctional institution such as the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center (CPDRC, Cebu, Philippines) could rise to fame via youtube? But no, it is not the means that they rose to fame that is phenomenal but the fact that these are inmates dancing to different popular tunes with the choreographic moves of professionals.

Their latest vid -- a tribute to Michael Jackson featuring the MJ song, "They Don't Care About Us". The inmates in this maximum security prison was visited by no less than Michael Jackson's long-time choreographer Travis Payne and dancers Daniel Celebre and Dres Reid to learn performances from THIS IS IT.

This is not their first vid, they have had several other performances before this which have caught worldwide attention when these vids were uploaded to the biggest and most popular video website, youtube.

It all started with an attempt to diffuse a volatile situation with a full-blown prison riot brewing. Extracting the idea from another movie that the warden, Byron F. Garcia, had seen previously, where an inmate walked into the warden's office and spoke via the public address system which created a huge impact bringing about a positive change --but that's scripted because it was in a movie, while the CPDRC case was real-life.

When the jail warden played the song "Another One Bites the Dust" which was stored in his USB flash drive along with two other songs, the volatile situation was calmed and the riot did not happen. It's been three straight years now that this maximum security prison has been riot-free.

It wasn't overnight success either, and the inmates did not right away welcome the choreographers. When they eventually agreed to participate, it took a long while to teach them the moves but everything paid off well. They now have numerous dance performances captured on video and uploaded to the internet.

There are various concerns as to the possible misleading effect of the popularity of these inmates against the concept of correction and rehabilitation but who would argue with the positive effects it gives now? Physically healthy inmates (what with all that physical exercise they get from dancing), mentally healthier inmates that are veered away from boredom inside the institution and a generally happier and more cheerful environment inside the confines of maximum security.

It is absurd to think that one would intentionally commit a serious crime to join the dancing inmates (I personally don't think one would do it intentionally) but for those who are already committed there, it is a relief to know that they are in one of the safest prison environment in the land-- where they dance their time away. Whatta whole new way to DO TIME.

does your lawn need mowing?

2010-01-15T01:26:00.000-08:00

i don't like tattoos....but....this is an exception

if

2009-12-09T03:25:00.001-08:00

"if a man loves you,
nothing can make him go away...
if he doesn't,
nothing can make him stay..."

while you were sleeping

2009-12-02T20:56:00.000-08:00

While you were sleeping,
I made a thoughtful wish
Then, an angel came to tell you
and said "wish is granted, go in peace!"
The angel in her radiant blue glow,
Leaned over, this I saw
She held your hand and before she flew,
left a gentle kiss on your brow..

12:21:22am

the way to love

2009-11-30T07:28:00.001-08:00

Richard Bach says:

2009-11-30T07:25:00.000-08:00

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours.

~~ ~~

You are never given a wish without being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.

~~ ~~

In order to live free and happily, you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice.

~~ ~~

Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you're alive, it isn't.

~~ ~~

2009-11-30T07:22:00.000-08:00

It is like walking hand in hand in a sea of people.
If you let go of my hand, i would feel insecure
that I would lose you in the crowd.

~~~~~~~

...don't let love go just because of a barrier you cannot cross

waking up

2009-11-30T07:10:00.000-08:00

Well, for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
In any given time or place

where does love come from?

2009-11-30T07:01:00.000-08:00

“It is wrong to think
that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship.
Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity
and unless that affinity is created in a moment,
it will not be created for years or even generations.”
~ Kahlil Gibran ~

california oranges

2009-11-30T06:59:00.000-08:00

"California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange."

looking

2009-11-30T06:50:00.000-08:00

I am not looking for friends who will read my poems...
I am looking for friends who will make me write poems..

do we click?

2009-11-30T05:48:00.001-08:00

Things that I like (in no particular order)

1. All Hidden Object games on the internet

2. Somewhere Over the Rainbow / What a Wonderful World
by Bruddah Iz

3. Everything Jason Mraz and Michael Buble

4. MYMP (Make Your Momma Proud)

5. Conrado de Quiroz' There's the Rub (pero tagal ko na di nagbabasa)

6. Jesicca Zafra (Twisted)

7. Sky Flakes -- ang pambansang biskwit -- Magic Flakes & BlueSkies pag talagang wala

8. Gillian's soft ice cream -- Mr. Softy is a poor second

9. Tostillas corn chips (all variants) -

10. Coke zero -- ung 1.5 liters (hehehe)

11. Shawarma - minus the onions

12. Cheeseburger - from Buddy's

13. Pinoy Beefsteak with Onion rings and calamansi

14. Chami sa tasa (if you're from Quezon, you can relate)

15. goto - sa gotohan ni Aling Chimang

16. Kare-Kare - only with the best alamang

17. pork / chicken adobo = parang pambansang awit ng pilipinas yan

18. pork sinigang - yan naman ang panatang makabayan

19. Halo-Halo from ChowKing

20. Tia Maria's resto -- just love the food and the ambience

21. French Fries,- only with mayo and ketchup dip and not from KFC

22. Green Salad -- from Wendy's

23. Pineapples - don't ask me why! (grins)

24. Watermelons - another "don't ask me why" item

25. Greenwich Pizza -- I hate Yellow Cab

26. chicken macaroni salad (ung sa KFC) - with lotsa cheese!Yumyum

27. Dr, Hook - he may not look as good as his voice but love his songs!

28. Charice Pempengco -- just because

29. Ellen deGeneres -- because she supports Filipino Artists ( I have nothing against Oprah, but...Degeneres was there first.

30. Frisk/TicTac (mints) = pag may pera, pag wala, Stayfresh (piso lang )

31. Illusions - Richard Bach

32. Miss Saigon - Lea Salonga and Simon Bowman and the entire Pinoy cast

33. Mushroom Soup - sa KFC , P25 lang

34. Open Arms - Journey/Arnel Pineda

35. Tuesdays with Morrie - Mitch Albom

36. The Little Prince - Antoine d'Saint Exupery

37. Upside down cake - di ko talaga favorite ang pineapple

38. Keds (size 7)

39. MOD and Woman's and Women's Magazines (nung 19kopong-kopong)

40. ice cream in a bun (hindi ung nutri-bun ha)

41. Julie's (ayoko ng Gal's)

42. Ube flavored Selecta ice cream

43. Dennis Quaid, Hugh Grant, Tom Hanks, Robin Williams

44. Sandra Bullock, Julia Roberts, Ashley Judd

45. JEFF DUNHAM - Peanut, Walter, Jose de Jalapeno

46. Connie Talbot

47. Sex in the City (and the cast)

48. Vic Sotto ( la lang, long-time crush eh)

49. Gilda Olvidado, Helen Meriz and Nerissa Cabral (relate? )

50. SIMON COWELL (aH Basta!)

I won't

2009-11-30T05:44:00.000-08:00

i won't sing you praises
i won't tell the world you're mine
i won't talk about the sweetness
of our love divine

i won't blow you kisses
or send hugs and warm embrace
i won't tell of things my heart misses
when we're out of touch and not in place

i won't paint your picture
on a canvas of words and phrases
i won't give away which gestures
make me love you more as my heart races

i won't speak about the laughter
that we share so heartily each time
i won't reveal the racy banter
when we talk time after time

believe you me, that this is true
i wrote this poem out of the blue
these are the things I wouldn't do
if I didn't truly love you.

022509

22 years apart

2009-11-30T05:41:00.000-08:00

My answers to a set of questions asked of me by a 55 yr old male in California:

dear guy_whose_name_must_never_be_mentioned:

No special reason I don't have a pic in my profile.
No special reason my id is namelessfaceless
No special reason why I blog here~~ I blog in other places too.

Yep, I am quite comfortable in my own skin.
Yep, I am quite comfortable with the way I express myself in YOUR language...No, I am not thinking I am superior, far from it. And yes, I do speak my own language well -- I can write well in Tagalog too -- and not the annoyingly popular text message format lyk d 1 styl u cn c me typing here now n dis part of d blog. Let me know how u r8 my English and Tagalog (di me getz wat u mean, pde b pkiulit ung msg mo?)

Yes I have a life outside FFF although a big part of that life is spent on the internet too. My social life is not in any way nearing the boundary of zero because I still see and talk to my neighbors here -- I hope they count as "lifeform" for you? Maybe I should ask if my friends from some parts of Roswell also count as a lifeform for you? They are only in my imaginations anyway.

Oh yes, I did go to school. Not in a nipa hut school house though, I'm sorry to disappoint you. Last time I checked, the number of concrete buildings in the campus of UPLB (let me spell that out for you, University of the Philippines at Los Banos) has doubled from way back in 19(bleep) when I was there. Too bad, my beloved campus has lost its "natural" feel to it -- the price of modernization, I'm afraid. I'd still choose the old campus any day. I'm sure that everyone in my school today would be ecstatic to be holding classes in nipa huts, if at all possible.

I don't see a relevance at all about digging into my family tree to find out if I have relatives who are "famous" ( I really wonder why you bring that in) but again, i am sorry to disappoint you but I do have one famous relative, a local singer/composer/actor/comedian married to an international beauty contestant~~don't bother to ask him, he'll disown me for even responding to your blatantly nosey email here.

Lastly, if you reached this part of my blog, I know you are wondering why the title, "22 years apart" -- you'd say, no connection at all, right? Exactly! And I know that. Your questions have no connection to my blogging here, either. But I know a gem when I see one -- I immediately saw a gem of a hilarious post as I imagined myself replying to all your questions

You are welcome to send another email anytime. Who knows what kind of masterpiece I might be able to come up with writing my reply to your next email. A piece worth near a Nobel or a Pulitzer (yeah, of course I am kidding! I am not, in any way near the likes of Patricia Evangelista)

PS
No. I don't have any idea whether you're an American or a Pinoy. Are you starting to have self-doubts?

and by the way, yes you do look 40 in your picture although your age is listed as 55 -- that's probably because that picture was taken when you were 40. I have a point there, don't I?

yours truly,
neymlesfeysles

030309

22 years apart

2009-11-30T05:40:00.000-08:00

goodbye

2009-11-30T05:34:00.000-08:00

a sad goodbye
so sudden

hello seemed so far away

25 years...
in four of which we're estranged

by choice?
by compulsion?

in a marriage,
some things will work,
some won't

how much of the things that won't work are bearable?
how much of the things that work is enough to keep it alive?

I don't know the answer
I will never know the answer

this is not freedom for me
I never asked for the face of freedom this way

you accepted defeat
without putting up a good fight
you embraced death
without looking back at the beauty of life

three sets of eyes that have turned red from crying
questions unanswered
they will never know the answers too

the only consolation --
the pains seem to have been washed away by the tears
the sad memories seem to have faded so quick

which, I think, is good...

forgiveness
peace of mind

the crying has ceased
the tears have dried

today is a new day

032509

94.7

2009-11-30T05:32:00.000-08:00

miz ko na 'to:

...it's a walk in the park
...a bike ride along the boulevard

94.7

mellow touch, remember?

how twins are made

2009-11-30T05:31:00.000-08:00

my sHoEbOx is full...

2009-11-30T05:23:00.001-08:00

no space for new memories...

the walls I built

2009-11-30T05:19:00.001-08:00

....i have built a wall around me
and I thought the wall was strong
it was made of tears and heartaches,
and of happiness gone wrong

everyday I told myself, "be happy,
for you have felt that kind of love"
not everyone is quite as lucky
to receive that from up above.

i learned to accept that sometimes,
a love has to end somehow
it doesn't mean that all other times
must be spent crying, as I do now.

i weighed things against each other
and saw wisdom in the path I have taken
but when you and I were put asunder
why do i feel shaken and heartbroken?

I thought the walls I built around me
are strong and will hide my fears
Yet with a soft whisper as you called me,
the walls came down, and so did my tears.

2009-11-30T05:13:00.001-08:00

My answers, what're yours?

May 23, 2009 10:21 am
261 Views

When you look at people's profiles here, do you click on the "more responses" link to see what the person has answered to additional questions? I do. And since some of the questions are answered from a drop-down menu, the questions I check out are the following: (with my own answers)

Tell us about your views on dating etiquette. Door opening? Who pays?
NO BIG DEAL for me whether the guy opens doors or not but sometimes it is nice to have someone walking ahead of me so I can just follow (if he trips, I would know to watch my step!!

Tell us what you expect to happen on a first date.
talk, laugh, talk some more, laugh some more... and then deciding if we both would want a second date.

Tell us what you would do if you were given $1 million dollars. Invest? Travel? Pay bills?
-give my three children a reasonable amount of money to help them set out on their own;

If I have already found my partner and he happens to live in another country, buy a summer house in the Philippines (for us to spend half the year here and half the year in his country;

pay bills, invest some, splurge a little and then go back to real life.

Tell us what you would ask for if you were granted 3 wishes.
- for the $1M dollar in the previous question to come true - good health for me and the partner - will save the third wish for later

Tell us what things in life are most important to you.
Stability - in everything. A stable financial situation, a stable loving and committed relationship with a partner, (hopefully a husband), a stable relationship between me and my partner and our respective immediate families. It is something that I have yet to have in my life. I've lived a difficult life. I am not denouncing poverty and I am not craving for wealth but I would like to achieve a point where things are stable and I don't have to worry about next month's bills. My previous marriage ended in an unhappy note, I want to change the course of my next marriage. A quiet and stable relationship with the spouse means nothing if the relationship between and among members of each other's families are not in harmony, so I think that is also important.

Tell us where you view yourself 5 years from now. Family? Career?
Hopefully, happily married to someone who can help bring in stability in our life together -- with willingness to put in equal effort and with the patience to make the effort work. I don't mind helping the husband take care of the bills, as long as I am just a helper and not the main breadwinner. (been there, done that )

More about my ethnicity
I am 100% Filipina

More about my gender
I am 100% female

What is your most humbling moment?
(have to think some more about it -- will get back to this later)

Tell us which celebrity you resemble the most.
I do not resemble any celebrity. They are all out of my league LOL!

Tell us about your personal style and why it works for you. Casual and comfy? Sharp and professional?
Casual and comfy always works. In fact I am hoping to find someone who is not very "corporate" as I am sure it will be a bit of a drag to "discuss" the issue of dressing in a corporate manner. I am what you might call the opposite of elegance. I like moderation in all things. Having to wear formal dress and dress jewelry would make me feel like running for the hills. Simple can be elegant -- I subscribe to that.

Do you have any disabilities/concerns?
Nothing life-threatening

Tell us what you like/do not like about what you do for a living.
I am at a point in my life where career is a disappointment. I have made some wrong/bad decisions in the past but I do not regret having done them anyway. I am starting over. With a child done with school, I hope to get started in a career that will help me raise the other two boys.

Tell us how you feel about your fame and fortune. Too much? Too little? Just right?
Fame? what fame? Fortune? what fortune? LOL

I can very honestly say that fame and fortune do not apply to me at all and I have very vague idea of what fame and fortune is. I prefer to live simply and realistically, with no obsessions about fame or fortune.

What was your life like growing up? Education? Family? Struggles? Accomplishments?
Too complicated to put in answers here. I will try to give brief descriptions.

Growing up - confused
Education - boring but it gave me a diploma
Family - dysfunctional in some ways
Struggles - some manageable, others frustrating
Accomplishments - a lot is left to be desired

When it comes to career, family and life in general, how do you feel?
Confused, I feel I can still do a lot of improvements if given the chance

Who broke your heart.....

2009-11-30T05:04:00.000-08:00

and made you write that song?

...there's no need to miss someone from your past,
there's a reason they didn't make it to your future...

( ...appreciate the one in your present...for putting in effort to be in your future)

of friendships and onions

2009-11-30T05:00:00.001-08:00

That's how it is in friendships -- you expose a little bit of yourself each time. Then your friends decide whether to take you the way you are or not.

Sometimes the day seems so sunny and clear and all of a sudden it rains. You laugh and kid around one moment, the next moment, the door is slammed to your face and you ask yourself "what happened".

John Powell wrote a book -- "Why Am I Afraid To Tell You Who I Am"? --- because you might not like what I am and it's all I've got!

catch me if you can

2009-11-30T04:57:00.001-08:00

"...I'm afraid to fly
And I don't know why
I'm jealous of the people who
are not afraid to die
It's just that I recall
Back when I was small
Someone promised that they'd catch me
But then they let me fall..."

ignorance

2009-11-30T04:54:00.000-08:00

I
am not
ashamed
to admit
that I am
ignorant
of what
I
do
not know

a fairy dies

2009-11-30T04:47:00.000-08:00

"...I don't believe in fairies...(they say whenever someone says he doesn't believe in fairies, somewhere, a little fairy dies)

When trust and confidence is destroyed, somehow, something fine and beautiful, dies.

humor a la Ilie Nastase

2009-11-30T04:43:00.000-08:00

"I haven't reported my missing credit card to
the police because whoever stole it is spending
less than my wife."

B is for BITTERNESS

2009-11-30T04:41:00.000-08:00

you try to smile
it comes out as a smirk
you force out another try
it becomes a quirk

you brag of head knowledge
the wisdom of the fool
hurry now, do salvage
good manners learned from school

you discuss what truth is
it comes out as a lie
remember your promise
fantasy and reality, they both die

your bitterness bleeds through
hurting others as you go
in due time your own tears will flow
leave you wretched, broken and in sorrow...

let go of the bitterness
from it, digress
throw in some acts of humility
and you'll find happiness.

be kind

2009-11-30T04:38:00.000-08:00

Be kinder than necessary.
Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

2009-11-30T04:36:00.001-08:00

You can't talk PEACE
and have a GUN

dead or alive?

2009-11-30T04:33:00.000-08:00

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

(Don't talk to me, talk to my lawyer!)

what kind of a housekeeper are you?

2009-11-30T04:31:00.001-08:00

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."

~Zsa Zsa Gabor

love passed me by

2009-11-29T19:06:00.000-08:00

dressed in festive, ornate garb
I thought love came here to stay

tarried so long, stuck somewhere
I thought God heard my little prayer

the dizzying whirl threw me out of bounds
the impact, the jolt, it astounds

one moment so sweet, the feelings so deep
next moment, loneliness creeps

i have seen the writing on the wall
from the start, it's been there, I recall

scribbled not in ink, but in a camouflage of pink
the warning bell, I ignored, I think

again, for the nth time, love passed me by
I digress, but tonight, I will cry.....

###
30

God, unexpectedly

2009-11-27T07:09:00.000-08:00

i felt God's warmth
in the tightness of your embrace
i felt His loving gentleness
in that space of time and place

i heard God's voice
in the words you said to me
everything is an obvious choice
"love, obey and follow Me"

i felt God's touch
from the tip of your fingers
healing, loving so much
I can't go wrong, I see no blunders

i looked into God's eyes
as you looked into mine
i saw the promise of the wise
nothing less than love divine

i experienced God's wisdom
intelligence beyond compare
I could never ever fathom
how to everyone, He shares.

i met God in an unexpected place
despite that, I felt his Grace
I want to know more at a certain pace
As he continues to overwhelm and amaze.

j

sorry baby but we tried

2009-11-27T05:36:00.000-08:00

A poem written by my daughter when she was still a student nurse. Like me, my daughter writes poems that show details of an experience. I hope she could find the desire again to write and not wait till she is 40 before she finds it again. (like I did )

sorry baby but we tried

QMC, June 25, at the NICU Department
Gotta go now, I say, as I leave my apartment
On duty today from 6:00am till 2:00
Attending to babies in QMC’s NICU

at 8:40am, a baby girl was delivered
as i pushed the crib, still no cry was heard
Cyanotic, bradycardic and apneic
Oh my God help me, I am going to panic!

I suctioned quickly
her secretions were bloody
I swabbed the oral cavity,
still no cry or sign of air entry

so small, so fragile
I am almost scared to touch
But then I came to my senses
I only got a little time to catch.

At long last I heard a cry
was that me? my heart pounding as i try
ambu-bagging, not a joke you would buy
If this won’t work,i am pretty sure
it’ll be hard to keep my eyes dry.

I noticed some flexion of the baby’s extremeties
but still not enough to call for parties
Oil bath, then warm bath, both were rendered
anthropometric measurements, vital signs taken and recorded

I applied terramycin eye ointment on both eyes
Vitamin K was injected on her left upper thigh
her umbilical cord ligated and dressed aseptically
umbilical arteries and vein, I checked properly

At exactly 11:00 am, her RBS was taken
For umbicath, I phoned the intern
at 11:20, she’s again cyanotic
it worsened, she’s now bradycardic and apneic

CPR done, epinephrine given
I prayed for a heartbeat right when i listened
Lay baptism done, her name, is "ANGEL"
Yeah I know she is one — anyone can tell.

Gave another dose of epinephrine
the doctor ordered continuous ambu-bagging
Pupils dilated and sluggishly reactive to light
I can see an ANGEL getting ready for her flight

at 12:45 she seemed "well", for just a little
I prayed so hard that ANGEL will win this battle
We did our best and then I saw that her father just cried
I’m sorry baby Angel, but we REALLY tried.

You lied!

2009-11-27T05:31:00.001-08:00

I'm not upset that you lied to me,
I'm upset that from now on
I can't believe you”

mr owl

2009-11-27T05:29:00.001-08:00

Hello, big Mr. Owl
you look upset tonight
Why, I see a scowl
Your face doesn't at all look bright!

Mr. Owl:
There was this butterfly in distress
She made me upset, you bet!
Instead of her it was I
who got caught in an awful net!

When I looked again, surprise! surprise!
I was filled with awe and wonder
What I thought was a lovely butterfly,
Was in fact, a sly black spider.

Stars at night

2009-11-27T05:27:00.000-08:00

The other night I laid in bed looking up at the stars
and I thought to myself,
"Where the heck is the roof?"

youth

2009-11-27T05:26:00.001-08:00

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?

be nice

2009-11-27T05:23:00.001-08:00

Be nice to your kids, they'll choose your nursing home!

no exceptions

2009-11-27T05:21:00.001-08:00

Overheard:

"Terrible. Tragic. Devastating. Heartbreaking.
This only shows that calamity strikes and hits

the rich
the poor

the young
the old

women
men

the good
the bad

the weak
the strong

sinner
or
saint

No exceptions.

the sad reality

2009-11-27T05:19:00.001-08:00

The grim scenario:
Ondoy, Pepeng, flooding and landlsides and the recent earthquakes, 4-6 more cyclones to visit the Philippines before the year ends, villages in Baguio sinking...

After one look at this planet, any visitor from outer space would say "I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER."

~ Willliam S. Burroughs

tired...

2009-11-27T05:18:00.001-08:00

Falling in love on the internet: True or False?

2009-11-27T05:14:00.001-08:00

I've been in several LDRs that lasted only a short while. I will admit that while they were happening, they somehow made me feel like, "This is it!". But they ended anyway.

Couples in LDRs don't always end up together. So many factors play a part in the relationship. It is not always because one of them is "not for real"; it is not always because one of them has another/ hidden agenda; it is not always because one of them just wants to scam the other for money; it is not always because one of them is not seriously looking for a relationship. BUT it could be because of ANY of these reasons - and some other things too.

Maybe they don't complement each other. Maybe they are not compatible. Maybe he turned out to be not her "ideal guy". Maybe she turned out to be not his "ideal woman". Maybe they did not love each other enough to want to be together for the rest of their lives. Maybe they realized they could not take on the responsibility that started presenting themselves as the relationship progressed. Maybe they realized they are not ready. Maybe it was a mistake to even get into that relationship.

BUT when do you get to know these things? You don't know and can't know these things even if you meet face to face right away. Actual meeting is never a guarantee that you can know a person well just because you have met each other for real.

That is what the LDR achieves. The KNOWLEDGE about the other person. Compensating for the distance between them, the couple spends more time talking, more time getting to know quirks and all that stuff. They spend more time trying to "feel" the other person's mind and moods and temperament. If you meet for real too soon and find the attraction to be really strong, chances are, the focus of the relationship will switch to the "physical" and the other aspects will be set aside for awhile. Then later, as the novelty wears off, that's when they will start GETTING TO KNOW each other -- when they have already been getting into serious arguments due to their lack of knowledge of how the other person thinks or feels about certain things.

Whether you have met for real or not, if the chemistry is not right, it will show. The only advantage of meeting for real early on in the relationship that I see is the "physical" part. But whether you are "physically" compatible or not, the other aspects will soon come in and will later play their part in building the relationship. Even if the physical chemistry is strong, if the other aspects are lacking, the relationship will still fall apart.

My take on this - I would rather take the chance in "falling in love" online and continue to build around that love -- get to know the person well, learn things about each other, test each other's perseverance in the long distance set up, let the love grow roots and anchor itself on each other's hearts. When the time to meet for real comes, I am sure both would be more "forgiving" of little quirks, will have more patience in dealing with impatience, and more willing to give allowances -- because the rapport and the affection have already taken root while building the relationship online.

People fall out of love. It does not depend on whether they have met for real yet or not. It depends on how well they have both nurtured the love between them. If they did not nurture, then I could see why they fell out of love. After being in an LDR a while, and all other things seem to be okay and no problem (financial status acceptable for both, family circumstance acceptable for both, and legal capacity to marry is present), LDR should not linger too long. Longer than a year or two, the frustration will set in and kill it.

I do believe people can fall in love without seeing each other for real. But I don't believe they can STAY IN LOVE without seeing each other for real after some time.

these PACMAN caterpillars ....

2009-11-27T05:11:00.001-08:00

Antoine de Saint Exupery, said "the caterpillars, you must endure,
if you want to get acquainted with butterflies in the future"...

what about the leaves?

water your plants

2009-11-27T05:09:00.001-08:00

If a plant is thirsty for water and in danger of dying, would you refuse to pour the water from your half-filled container because you want to fill it up to the brim first before you water the plant? If the plant died, can a container full of water bring it back to life?
Love, like plants, need nurturing -- in a timely manner. Water your plants when they are thirsty, even when your watering can is not full.

2009-11-27T05:06:00.000-08:00

"...No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
The dream that you wish will come true..."

~A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes (Cinderella)

nice to be in fairytale land...but I tell you, they are not without fire-breathing dragons and witches

Mark Twain sez

2009-11-21T19:25:00.000-08:00

“In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language”

Mark Twain said it. I didn't.

But I like his house.

I AM

2009-10-18T06:30:00.000-07:00

I am my own
greatest enemy
my negativity
consumes me

the hopes and dreams
that I impart
can, in one flick,
from me,
depart

i am a work
in constant progress
stunted
by sheer helplessness

fragile,
definitely
highly breakable

devoid of esteem,
my infallibility
is debatable

my arms i reach out
are yours strong enough?

falter... look out...
you'll get
what's left --
the chaff

Goodbye to Love

2009-09-23T14:37:00.000-07:00

Goodbye to Love
(Karen Carpenter)

I'll say goodbye to love
No one ever cared if I should live or die
Time and time again the chance for love has passed me by
And all I know of love is how to live without it
I just can't seem to find it

So I've made my mind up I must live my life alone
And though it's not the easy way
I guess I've always known
I'd say goodbye to love

There are no tomorrows for this heart of mine
Surely time will lose these bitter memories
And I'll find that there is someone to believe in
And to live for something I could live for

All the years of useless search
Have finally reached an end
Loneliness and empty days will be my only friend
From this day love is forgotten
I'll go on as best I can

What lies in the future is a mystery to us all
No one can predict the wheel of fortune as it falls
There may come a time when I will see that I've been wrong
But for now this is my song

And it's goodbye to love
I'll say goodbye to love

hold on to a hope

2009-08-31T22:00:00.000-07:00

don't let my dreams scare you
they just live deep within
they're not meant to rush or push you
'don't want things to go that extreme

i invite you to dream my dreams
in black and white and full color
take careful note of each little scene
sights, sounds, sensations, in its splendor

they are my hopes, are they realistic?
share a life together, that'd be fantastic!
shed off those fears, they'd just make you sick
believe me, I'd be with you, thin or thick

hold on, hang on but always take a step forward
falter if you must, but maintain the stand
we only have ONE LIFE TO LIVE, aim for that reward
together, in happiness, yeah, life is grand!

onlinejobs.ph

2009-08-28T08:20:00.001-07:00

I signed up with onlinejobs.ph and I am letting others know about it. Just click on the ad on the right side banner of this page and it will bring you to their registration page. Be ready to fill up a questionnaire-type registration form. It's not too long but will require a carefully thought of account of your skills and work experience.

I cannot say yet how good or how effective the site is as I have just signed up today.

'will keep you updated of my progress there. :-)

I will be following this:

2009-08-28T07:15:00.001-07:00

The news about Jaycee Lee Dugard, who was kidnapped when she was 11 years old in Placerville California, broke out and "solved" a controversial missing person case that went on for 18 years. Resurfacing after 18 years with two daughters 11 and 15, there are a lot of questions in people's heads (mine included) --the biggest of which is, how her abductor, Garrido, managed to keep her hidden from the public 18 long years, and fathering two daughters with her to boot. The initial statement from Garrido in an interview is very interesting:

"Wait until you hear the story of what took place at this house," he said. "You are going to be completely impressed. It's a disgusting thing that took place with me at the beginning. But I turned my life completely around, and to be able to understand that, you have to start there."

"You're going to find the most powerful story coming from the witness, the victim — you wait. If you take this a step at a time, you're going to fall over backwards and in the end, you're going to find the most powerful heartwarming story.'' he said.

I will be following this.

Message Alert: No space for new....

2009-08-26T17:47:00.000-07:00

the laundry basket is FULL

...no space for new laundry.

waiting for the Orange avalanche to end

2009-08-24T23:09:00.000-07:00

After the avalanche of oranges, am i gonna get a GREEN apple?

or a RED apple?

then I can make a HYBRID :D

temporary dreams

2009-08-22T07:17:00.000-07:00

temporary dreams

a spark of hope
from out of the blue
a glint, a beam, a stroke
an ever changing hue

the image before me
danced a merry tune
the dreams that came to me
reminded me of brides in June

light and darkness
hope and despair
joy and sadness
tell me, can you repair?

no more sparks
no more glints and beams
everything is temporary
...even dreams

what did you have for breakfast today?

2009-08-16T17:17:00.000-07:00

Remember when pan de sal became a very controversial commodity some years back? No thanks to bromate, but it has sowed fear in the Pinoy mind that if you've been eating pan de sal everyday, you have been ingesting poison in small amounts everyday. (Killing me softly.. ) My family is not a big pan de sal consumer but there would be days when we would feel like having it for breakfast for several consecutive days and then switch to something else (maybe sintulog : sinangag, tuyo and itlog Today, and since middle of last week, we had pan de sal for breakfast and strange, my two boys ate only two pieces each (they eat more than that usually). So I ate my portion and gave my two pet dogs a piece each, they both did not touch it. Now I am wondering...the pan de sal seemed to have left a bad taste in my mouth....I guess I had BROMATE for breakfast today

face it!

2009-08-16T09:35:00.001-07:00

~ "DETAILS IN THE FABRIC" ~ Jason Mraz

this love affair

2009-08-06T05:07:00.001-07:00

you're "right", I am "left"
and the colors don't match

yet together why do we click
and feel like a perfect FIT?

like a box of choc'lits

2009-08-06T04:54:00.000-07:00

like a box of chocolates
wrapped in silver and gold
life handed to me in a gold plate
the choice to be meek or bold

there are no assurances
what you get out of this box
with your choice come nuances
be a meek lamb or a fierce fox

does it matter what I want?
does it matter what I become?
i cannot choose what I get from the box
'can only hope I don't get damned.

on some days I get the nice ones
I am happy, I am a lamb
a bad chocolate, I pulled out once
a fox sprung, people jumped.

i sit in silent contemplation
shall i get another chocolate from the box?
'can't avoid it, I must get one
'can't say "Can I pass?" Deym, it sux!

i'm angry!

2009-07-20T19:57:00.000-07:00

...not!!!

Silence is my friend

2009-07-16T16:36:00.000-07:00

deafening silence

it used to irritate me

not anymore

because now it soothes me

strange, unusual

that i now appreciate silence

it used to give me creeps

horror-movie proportions, that happens

deep in the night

i look for silence so hard that I strain

I am scared I know I am

because once broken, could mean pain

shadows in the night

they move sneakily

real or imagined

Fright, it consumes me

i am unhappy

i am paranoid

sick and tired

joy in this life, devoid

My faith is wavering....

2009-07-13T17:56:00.000-07:00

there's a God that sees

all things far and wide

the priest said we are His

so we all must go, abide.

we are His, 'grew up on that

He'll not forsake or leave you flat

He'll take care of everything

Just believe and put your faith in Him

Belief, how do you measure?

Have Faith, that's your treasure

Is it enough that you do good?

Is that a ticket for endless food?

They say, "be happy when times are bad

It's when God loves you most, be glad

The tests and trials can't be all bad"

Although right now, they make me sad...

TORN (mime)

2009-07-12T05:33:00.001-07:00

i remember Notting Hill

2009-07-05T08:20:00.001-07:00

Anna Scott: "For June who loved this garden from Joseph who always sat beside her."

Some people do spend their whole lives together.

undoing the dreams

2009-07-05T04:49:00.000-07:00

what's the use of dreaming

when you know they can't come true

will it change the way the world's spinning

when you're sad and feeling blue

what's the use of looking

when you know there's no one there to find?

you've found, you've lost, it's all the same

even worse than "out of sight, out of mind"

what's the use of crying

over relationships what won't be real?

they start virtual, they end virtual

somehow i know things are not on even keel

what's the use of dreaming

of a life shared with a beau?

not yet ready, may never be

all the dreams, to the wind, I throw....

change

2009-07-03T07:46:00.000-07:00

when you change the way
you look at things,
the things you look at
will change

destiny

2009-07-03T02:16:00.000-07:00

don't promise me tomorrow
if you cannot be here today
don't add to my sorrow
please don't go astray

i don't want any promises
i want a heart that's true
i don't want hugs and kisses
if half-hearted, they just make me blue

my luck, i will not force
my fate, I cannot choose
my destiny won't change its course
so be it , I will not push.

resignation

2009-06-25T07:32:00.000-07:00

done chasing dreams
dreams are not for me
done chasing rainbows
hope, I cannot see

live a day at a time
easier, with no expectations
tomorrow the sun will shine
night and day,that's rotation

numb, that's how I feel
nothing surprises me anymore
happiness, will it come still?
I don't give a damn, that's for sure!

broken dreams and broken hopes
they don't mend, they leave you broke
a hopeful heart conquers all slopes
No, no at all, it's all a joke!

...

2009-06-21T00:04:00.001-07:00

hang on

2009-06-18T19:48:00.000-07:00

Family Equations

2009-06-17T18:13:00.000-07:00

It sure is something that I am aware is going to happen. So many people have written about it before -- how people marry and build a family, raise children, marry them off and how the couple ends up back to how they started - just the two of them together. In our case it was 1 + 1 + 3 = 5. Unfortunately, in my case it will never be back to how my partner and I started as he has already left, never to come back again.

When I left for Thailand, I am sure the family I left, felt the void -- missing my place at the dinner table, missing my "presence" puttering about, going through the usual tasks of the day. When I came back, (not to the family house, as I have already decided to separate)I took the two boys with me, the daughter stayed put in the house with her dad. It was a "split" arrangement. SO here, it was (1 + 2) / (1 + 1)

When daughter graduated, and seeing no hope of being back together as a family, their dad moved out so the boys and I moved back in to the house. What is the equation for that now? (1 + 1) - 1 (1 + 2) + 1. That equals 4, I don't care if the equation is not correct.

SO now we're four in the family, after several transpositions and extrapolations

Last month, my nurse daughter and I decided she should move back to our home city at least temporarily as there are more hospitals there and we have more "connections" there to help her with recommendations and stuff. So she did. After doing several tests and interviews, she came back home last week to fix some paperwork regarding her license and other things concerning pre-hiring documentations. Yesterday she travelled back there to respond to a hospital's call for a training notification. She will start training Monday. On the side she also got an on-call post assisting medical staff in some factories' annual physical examinations (a good way to earn extra),short - term though.

Now I can see the family equations taking a different but predictable turn. For the next year or so, it will be (1 + 3) - 1
and while daughter is out there starting a career of her own which may eventually end up with her working overseas after earning considerable local hospital experience, the two boys are going to move up the education ladder. They will both start college (hopefully I can send them) and soon, the (1 + 3) -1 will be (1 + 3) - 1 -1 -1

It is a law of human life. It is sad looking at the prospect of finally ending up alone but I am not going to be the first person to be that way.

The final answer will be 1 ... i know you might be thinking + 1 too but that's thinking too fast for now......

the rainbows in my mind

2009-06-16T16:57:00.000-07:00

color is life,
rainbow is hope,
darkness is strife,
pretend is sugar-coat

one moment when i looked
everything's drab and gray
a split second is what it took
all around me, a rainbow display

hope...it filled me
fear...it left me
today is a new day
help is in the way

the sun in my hands

2009-06-16T07:42:00.001-07:00

i hold the sun in my hands
it glows just like a torch
strange, it feels warm just like the sand
not the kind that would burn and scorch

I'll have to wait until it's dusk
before I can perform this task
in a day i can only do this once
if i tarry, i will miss the chance!

the sun is scooped in my little hand
as it loses its warm glow
soon it will be dark here as I stand
I'll take a bow, thanks for watching the show!

We're All Alone -- my own rendition

2009-06-16T01:40:00.000-07:00

Till there was you -- me singing off-key LOL!

2009-06-16T01:36:00.000-07:00

gitara

2009-06-16T01:20:00.000-07:00






Bakit pa kailangan magbihis 
Sayang din naman ang porma 
Lagi na namang may sisingit 
Sa twing' tayo'y magkasama 
Bakit pa kailangan ng rosas 
Kung marami naman ang 
Mag-aalay sa'yo 
Uupo na lang at aawit 
Maghihintay ng pagkakataon 
Hahayaan na lang silang 

Chorus: 
Magkandarapa na manligaw sa'yo 
Idadaan na lang kita 
Sa awitin kong ito 
Sabay ang tugtog ng.... gitara 
Idadaan na lang.... sa gitara 

Mapapagod lang sa kakatingin 
Kung marami namang nakaharang 
Aawit na lang at magpaparinig 
ng lahat ng aking nadarama 
Pagbibigyan na lang silang 
(Repeat Chorus) 

Pagbibigyan na lang silang 
(Repeat Chorus till fade)

AMBISYOSO

2009-06-16T01:13:00.000-07:00

Ang sarap sanang magkaroon ng
Sapatos na lumilipad
Spaceship, kotse ni batman
X-ray shades at laser gun

Magic wallet na hindi nauubusan ng laman
Time machine (time machine)
Babalik ang oras
Ngayon din

Chorus:
Libre lang mangarap
Walang hanggan na pag-hiling
Libre lang mangarap
Managinip ka habang gising

Ang sarap sanang maging bida
Sa sariling kong pelikula
Ninja, kumakain ng bala
Magaling sumayaw parang john travolta
Ka-love team ko ang lahat
Nang magaganda at seksing artista
Kissing scene kay aubrey miles o
Angel locsin

(repeat chorus 2x)

Di tulad sa tindahan
Walang utang, walang listahan
Managinip at mangarap
Walang kang babayaran

Libre lang mangarap
Walang hanggan na pag-hiling
Libre lang mangarap
Managinip ka

gone

2009-06-15T18:48:00.000-07:00

the colors are gone

the flag to fly on June 12

2009-06-11T04:55:00.000-07:00

According to wiki:
The Philippine Declaration of Independence occurred on June 12, 1898 in the Philippines, where Filipino revolutionary forces under General Emilio Aguinaldo (later to become the Philippines' first Republican President) proclaimed the sovereignty and independence of the Philippine Islands from the colonial rule of Spain after the latter was defeated at the Battle of Manila Bay during the Spanish-American War.

The declaration, however, was not recognized by the United States or Spain, as the Spanish government ceded the Philippines to the United States in the 1898 Treaty of Paris, in consideration for an indemnity for Spanish expenses and assets lost.

The United States recognized Philippine independence on July 4, 1946 in the Treaty of Manila.[1] Independence Day was observed in the Philippines on the July 4 anniversary of this event until, upon the advice of historians and at the urging of nationalist politicians, President Diosdado Macapagal signed Republic Act No. 4166 into law on August 4, 1964, designating June 12, which had previously been observed as Flag Day, as the country's Independence Day.

cold

2009-06-09T04:57:00.000-07:00

unlike softdrinks, love is not good, when COLD!

meet the chairman

2009-06-09T04:53:00.000-07:00

the chairman of the BORED!

The litmus paper test

2009-06-04T06:04:00.001-07:00

Relationships are continuously subjected to tests -- the test of compatibility, the test of strength and durability, the test of time, the test of endurance and other tests that people in relationships so imaginatively come up with.

Everyday, we go about living the relationships either face to face or virtual. We try to make connections. We try to look for points of common interests. We try to dig for compatibilities, similarities in likes and dislikes. SO that we can bring the relationship further to the next level. We constantly look for signs -- signs that we are compatible with a partner or signs that we are not. We experiment under different situations. We look for specific reactions. Sometimes we look for what is not there. And we imagine something is there even without proof of its existence. We test and then we watch out for changes-- changes in the way the partner is behaving in the relationship, changes in the way they treat each other, changes in the usual things they used to do together.Then we make conclusions based on what we see, based on the changes that happened under specific circumstances. SO very like the litmus paper test.

We say that when a couple gets along together so well, there is "chemistry". We cannot blame chemistry then when our relationships are subjected to the litmus paper test. After all, the litmus paper test is a chemical experiment.

Watching videos online about the Hayden-Halili scandal, I "tripped" over a foreign TV program, Cheaters -- Joey Greco anchors. I watched several episodes and saw different results of subjecting relationships to the litmus paper test of fidelity.

Different results. A couple called off a wedding after the girlfriend was proven (and caught in the act) of cheating on the boyfriend. Another couple exchanged ugly words captured right on cam (and shown on national TV --and now youtube too). In most cases the "cheaters" were entrapped, caught in the act and almost always, a fistfight between the "boyfriends" ensues and then the girlfriend and the boyfriend she was cheating with leaves the scene together. The same thing happens with the boyfriend and the woman he was caught cheating with.

In most cases, the relationship falls apart. In other cases, the cheater is forgiven and given a second chance. In some other cases, the tables are turned -- the boyfriend who is trying to entrap the cheating girlfriend ends up being exposed of his own cheating ways.

The litmus paper test of relationships give different results. Different pH levels? Acidic, basic or alkaline? I don't know if it could be held equivalent to the level of trust existing in a relationship. What turns out acidic has little trust in it? What turns out basic has more trust? And what turns out alkaline has so- so trust?

I don't know.
I am just playing with thoughts of relationships and the litmus paper test.

Your Royal Highness

2009-06-01T12:48:00.000-07:00

YRH, sitting on a throne
in your tiny kingdom
watching over what you think
is your dominion

YRH did you get upset today?
did anyone ruin your day?
was your self-esteem taken away?
the offender, do you want to slay?

conceited language
uttered by vile lips
a mind cloaked by false knowledge
heading for the kill, a carnage

a quick judgment
handed from your pedestal
high up there, your portal
you think it's made of crystal?

not all days are sunny
not all days are bright
sometimes you must give in to reality
that you are not always right

your mind hides hypocrisy
you judge quickly, that's scary
it's a biased judgment, you fool!
of yourself, i think you're full.

Puzzle

2009-06-01T12:40:00.000-07:00

read / analyzed / examined / evaluated /classified /categorized /diagnosed/ judged /bits of thoughts pieced together

welcome, Sol

Aling Dionesia, Kumusta Ka?

2009-06-01T12:36:00.000-07:00

The lady is having fun.
Let her.

Love her or hate her.
Amused? Annoyed?
Whatever.

She's a welcome respite
from the Hayden-Halili craze.
Twit*er, Fezbook, Frndstr,
she's all over the place!

a debutante at 60
she'll dance till 90
a diamond-studded R*olex
does it make her complex?

'gotta love the boxer
'gotta love his mother
what about the father?
I don't know, ask her!

sing no sad songs for me

2009-06-01T10:43:00.000-07:00

When I am dead, my dearest,
 Sing no sad songs for me;
Plant thou no roses at my head,
 Nor shady cypress tree:
Be the green grass above me
 With showers and dewdrops wet;
And if thou wilt, remember,
 And if thou wilt, forget.

I shall not see the shadows,
 I shall not feel the rain;
I shall not hear the nightingale
 Sing on, as if in pain:
And dreaming through the twilight
 That doth not rise nor set,
Haply I may remember,
 And haply may forget.

        -- Christina Rosetti